‘Commit or Quit’ – Judge Lynn Toler rules on couples in crisis

Judge Lynn Toler of 'Commit or Quit' Thursday on WE tv

Judge Lynn Toler of ‘Commit or Quit’ Thursday on WE tv

Q: What are your techniques for gaining couples’ trust and confidence on “Commit or Quit”?

A: I really do listen. Most people want to be heard and I let people know that I heard them. That’s what I used to do when I was a judge putting people in jail and I used to fuss at them all the time and then you could watch their eyes glaze over. So instead of starting out fussing, you start out listening and you make sure you understand and make sure that they know you understand. And once people think they’re understood, they’ll be very forthcoming.

Q: You said you don’t believe in the old adage of “Once a cheater, always a cheater.” Why not?

A: Because nothing in the human world is that cut and dried. Nothing. There are people who cheat for a variety of reasons. You know, the marriage could be really bad. They could have run into the wrong – people do wrong stuff for a lot of silly reasons. And I don’t think that just because you got drunk in Chicago one night (laughs) and you did the wrong thing doesn’t mean that’s what you’ll always do. Sometimes it’ll horrify you into not getting drunk in Chicago anymore.

Q: There are also people who cheat because of their own self-esteem issues.

A: Oh absolutely. Yeah, we’ve had a couple where one person emotionally cheated so the other person cheated to get back at the emotional cheater and she ended up cheating more than the emotional cheater. And so it was like very situational and you don’t know which is first, the chicken or the egg. And I just don’t believe that that is necessarily the circumstance that will always continue if it occurred in a unique situation.

‘Commit or Quit’ – Judge Lynn Toler makes her ruling on couples in a rut

George Dickie

George Dickie has been a features writer for Gracenote/Tribune Media Services since 1989, when “Hee-Haw” was still on the air and George “Goober” Lindsay was his first interview. His early interviews ranged from Jim Henson and Dick Van Dyke to Phil Collins and the Dixie Chicks.

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